Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween 2006

Looming hordes of kids - mostly teenage boys - were the feature of this years Halloween. I think we had about 50 trick or treaters this year, which is much better than last years dismal 12...including Alex and Olivia.
Speaking of Alex and Olivia - Olivia dressed as a fairy and Alex went as a magician. Olivia LOVED her fairy costume - its her "favourite", so I was told. We sparkled up Alex's magician cape with some star stickers, bought a top hat from the infamous "Dollar Shop" and decked it out in stars and glittery moons. And since I could not find any real magician props anywhere, I bought a mini billiards set (also curtesy of the Dollar Shop) and the cue stick was suddenly transformed into a magicians wand - now that is magic!
The fire works are still raining down as I type this - poor puppies. They are being set off all over the place, including the park next door and the pre-school yard directly behind us.
It is all a bit of fun for the kids, although I did get a call from a friend this evening telling us that her child fell over in the dark and knocked two teeth out...poor little guy, he is not even 5 yet, but he does get Halloween and the tooth fairy all in the same night, I guess.
At least we don't have to buy candy for the rest of the year - happy Halloween. Posted by Picasa

A bit early

No I am not going to tell you that it has begun to snow, although the coastal mountains have gathered a visible dusting in the past couple of days - but not much, and none of it has stretched over here....although it sure feels cold enough.
No, it is crisp air and bright blues skies at present- beautiful!
The picture refers to the looming Christmas season and the immediate need for me to start buying gifts so I can get them sent on time. I can hardly believe it myself.
Gone are the days of sprinting out to the shops with only days to spare, and being treated to a battery of christmas ideals - carols, snow scenes, enticements to purchase all the trimming for a sumptuous hot roast christmas dinner and steaming plumb pudding... while in the middle of an Australian heatwave. Aaaahhh, gee I miss that - no wonder the Aussies have such a fine sense of humour.
At this time of year though, there are no carols in the background to assist me on my jolly spending spree. On the up side, I guess the gift buying won't be done under muttered blue, stressed out breath either...that has to be a good thing.
I actually love buying gifts for people, but we are still basking in the orange glow of Halloween, and I hear no sleigh bells a-ringing just yet, but it is a task that must be done soon to make it all the way to Australia in time.
Last year I left it too late. I sent the last of my packages on the 22nd November, and I had to pay express - ouch! So I am determined to beat the postage deadline this year.
Perhaps the post office should deck their halls earlier and blow the dust and Halloween cob-webs off a couple of old carol CD's, to put their international postage customers in the spirit;I think it is only fair. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 30, 2006

Overcoming Pride

Posted by Picasa I stumbled across this story today and it has really affected me. It is sad and depressing, but spoke a truth that hit me right between the eyes. I thought I would share it, more to unburden it from my heart than anything else.

A young man went off to war, leaving his pregnant wife behind. Two years later, he was able to return home, and the young woman went with their young son to meet her husband. They cried together out of joy. In Vietnam, it is traditional, when an event of this kind takes place, that it be announced to the ancestors. So the young father asked his wife to go to the market to buy the things that are needed for the offering that is placed on the altar to the ancestors. Such an altar is found in every house. Each morning a stick of incense is burned to the ancestors on this altar, and in this way a connection is made with them. Burning the incense, adorning the altar with photographs of the ancestors, and dusting the shrine are very important gestures....So the young wife went off to the market. During this time, the young father was trying to convince his child to call him Daddy. The little boy refused: Mister, you're not my daddy. My daddy is somebody else. He visits us every night, and very often she cries with him. And every time my Mummy sits down, he sits down too. Everytime she lies down, he lies down too. "After he heard these words, the young father's happiness entirely evaporated. His heart turned to a block of ice. He felt hurt, deeply humiliated, and that is why, when his wife came home, he would no longer look at her or speak a word to her. He ignored her. The woman herself began to suffer; she felt humiliated, hurt.When the offering was placed on the altar, the young father burned the incense, recited the prayers to the ancestors, and did the four traditional prostrations. Then he picked the mat up instead of leaving it there for his wife so she could do the four prostrations in her turn. In his mind he thought that she was not qualified to present herself before the ancestors; she was humiliated by this.After the ceremony, he didn't stay at the house to eat but went to the village and spent the day in a bar. He tried to forget his suffering by drinking alcohol, and he did not come back to the house until very late at night. The following day, it was the same thing, and this went on for several days in a row. The young woman could not take it anymore. Her suffering was so great that in the end she threw herself in the river and drowned.When the young father heard this news he returned to the house, and that night he was the one who went to get the lamp and lit it. Suddenly the child cried out: "Mister, Mister, it's my daddy, he's come back!" And he pointed to the shadow of his father on the wall. "You know, Mister, my father comes every night. Mommy talks to him and sometimes cries; and every time she sits down my daddy sits down too."In reality, this woman had been alone in the house too much and every night she had talked to her shadow.Misperceptions can destroy an entire family. Every time you think it is somebody else who is causing your suffering, you must remember this story and check things out with the person in question by asking: "Dear one, I am suffering so much, help me please".

Thich Nhat Hahn (1997) True Love: A practice for Awakening the Heart, Shambhala Publications, Boston, pg 25-31.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

A merry old soul is she...

To demonstrate just how much of a grumpy old thing I am, I would like to share how unimpressed I am with fire works, fire crackers and basically anything that makes a big old loud bang - snap, crackle or pop - rice bubbles included.
In their defense, I have probably only seen lameo fireworks displays; you know the ones - an explosive ball of light once every ten minutes or so and after the first three "displays" you've had enough, yawn and start thinking about heading to the car....yeah. So forgive me if I am not paying homage to some unique and fantabulous phenomenon, it has not quite been my experience.
Anyway, my grievance about fireworks and fire crackers comes from the fact that my dog is extremely afraid of the snap, crackle and pop, and becomes overly stressed. We could probably tolerate it once a year, but for some reason, the kids around here have been letting off flares and fire crackers in the park constantly over the past two weeks.
And with Halloween only two and a bit nights away, the old crack and bang is being heard day and night, and from all directions, both near and far.
My dog is in state of nervous exasperation, and is barely eating. He is trembling for most of the day; cowers at the initial blast, and then attempts to seek out some place to hide, with wild bulging eyes filled with utter fear and distress. He is panting heavily and breathing rapidly, with his tongue fully extended and seems to go through a bowl of water every thirty minutes.
The noise is torture for dogs like him... and cruel because they don't understand where the sound is coming from or what it is.
I have tried to keep Cobie close; comfort him and reassure him, but the noise goes on and on and on. The perpetrators were still at it at 4 a.m this morning, and then it recommenced at around 11am - not much of a break.
I am worried about my dog not eating; he is vomiting everything up, when he does - mostly over our bed sheets....always a delightful surprise. So you could say, I am fed up with the fireworks and fire crackers around here, and hope they stop immediately after Halloween or I might be tempted to seek out those responsible and question them as to whether any might wish to have one stuffed up their jacksey.
At this time of the year fireworks are legal in our district, by the way, but one must wonder why. The guy around the corner confessed that one of his wayward rockets plunged into his neighbours truck, another blew the head off a skeleton he had displayed in the front yard and then he told us his another neighbour's fireworks caught a tree alight. They don't seem very appropriate in the hands of amateurs nor to be fired in populated areas, but to combine these too factors, well gee...the mind boggles and the head shakes.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

warmth



So...I went to the paint shop yesterday and collected some likeable swatches to tape to the wall. You know the ones...they are about and inch square and are practically useless to people like me - I need the WHOLE story or I just don't get it ;)

Anyway - I didn't like any of those I have chosen - sounding familiar is it? So I asked for some advice. The woman "hmmmm'ed" at me a lot as she attempted to decipher something intelligent from the gluggy matter that were my wet cement-like ideas (and thats praising them up).

The woman considered my wants - "something that will either lighten or brighten the room". She asked about the other "pieces" in the room. "Pieces" in terms of furtiture, always reminds me of something fine...like "a piece of art" - there ain't no "pieces" in my house! But I told her what was in the room - brown stuff! She asked what other rooms were visible from the room I wished to paint - kitchen..yellow, white and black.

She recommended the same colour, only a shade lighter...GREEEEAAAT! I bought a sample pot, went home, and immediately slapped it on the wall. It looked as equally boring, if not, more boring than the original. So tonight, I scrounged around in the shed and found some leftover paint in the original colour. I have already repainted the wall and thought I may as well touch up the areas where chipped paint had appeared.

I have decided not to paint the walls. Like a crazed lunatic brandishing a gun, I practically had to wrenched the paint brush from my own hand and tell myself "its over...its gunna be ok...you don't have to renovate anymore".

It was a bit of a fantasy to think that I could get out of sprucing up the room for the meager cost of a tin of paint, but it was not to be. I will need to invest in some accessories, which will be fun, but most likely costly - well more costly than paint. I would buy some knick knack type things if I had places to put them; we don't have a lot of area for such things. I saw some interesting "pieces" today in a local store and I know Renovation Hardware has some great cushions and throws that would brighten up the brown lounge. It needs something... The picture I have hanging in the room is wrongly place, but I don't really have a right area for it, which is a shame, beacseu I like it.

I jguess I just want our place to feel like home, and for that to occur the place needs to reflect us- our interests and personalities. We have been so focused on the structural that the inner details and finer features have been neglected; and it is not like me to miss the finer details.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It just tastes better that way


As I have previously blogged - I like coffee, but Canadians LOVE coffee - it is almost like a security blanket for them, since they don't seem to be able to go out without their travel mug, nor does it seem possible for them to pass by a coffee house without going in and purchasing a cup of their favourite blend.
I have even seen them trance-like, drifting weightlessly past the ground coffee machine in the supermarket - nostrils flared and chest expanded to bursting point, as they draw in the rich aroma of those freshly grounded beans - and it is a great smell, is it not?
Well thank God for the Canadians and their coffee addiction, because after a full morning at the pumpkin patch, my friend asked if we would like to go for coffee.
Halleluija! Halleluija! (Harps...angels....choral singing...white doves...blue skies).
My coffee with a friend drought has at last been broken - YEEEEEAAA HAAAAaaaa!
We went to a small off the beaten track coffee house that I was unaware of. The kids ran amok, but weren't to bad considering their action packed morning. Adult conversation..... it was genuine therapy to my soul......
The guy behind the counter wanted to know what type of coffee I wanted. I did order a latte, but to be honest, I could not have cared less what was dished out. Because, in my opinion, the best coffee around is enjoyed in the company of someone else.

Monday, October 23, 2006

childhood dreams


It seems that every child's dream is to oneday go to Disneyland. It was mine once, and Ashley has also admitted as much. So while we are here in North America, we thought we might as well indulge in our dreams a bit, and take our own family to "the happiest place on earth".
It will take some planning and a great deal of saving to make this trip happen, but we were scheduling it for May 2007.
We hinted our plans to the kids, and Alex at least, was very excited at the possibility. He doesn't know what Disneyland is, but several of his pre-school class mates went last year and their discriptions must have been so vivid and wonderful that he thinks it is a place he would like to experience for himself. And why wouldn't he, it is a world designed to indulge every childhood fantasy there is...right?
There is one little detail that I forgot to take into consideration however....Alex and Olivia are terrified of people dressed in character.
When Alex was one and a half, he saw Santa's elves at the mall and freaked. He also saw a giant candy cane walking around. I can understand how he might find that most unfathomable and unsettling.
Last year at a local fair, The Canuks hockey mascot - a killer whale with mist spouting from its blow hole - terrorised both Alex and Olivia to the point that I had to drag two screaming, hysterical kids to the safety of the car, which happened to be far far away from "the whale". Unfortunately, they have never wanted to return to the lovely park since - the same park we spent every single day happily playing in when we first arrived in Canada, while cooped up for two months in "the hotel" across the road. That was a year ago, but last week at the pumpkin patch there was a "giant pumpkin" and "big corn" walking around waving at visitors as they crossed the bridge to the hayride. I watched Alex who was walking ahead hand tightly in hand with his "pumpkin patch buddy". He didn't seem to flinch, but I noticed that he didn't linger either. I kept reassuring Olivia telling her repeatedly "they aren't real giant vegetables, they are people dressed up...oooooonly people dressed up - it is Oooookay". She seemed fine.
Today, a friend asked if we woudl like to go to the pumpkin patch tomorrow, so the kids could play...what, I am being asked to socialise? How could I pass up such an offer? "Of course WE would love to go".
I told Alex about it afterward - he didn't want to go. In fact, he desparately DID NOT want to go - "not that place with the BIG vegetables NOOOOOoooo" he wailed. Oh dear! Sigh.
I don't know if it is worth going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow - the giant vegetables could be avoided if need be. But Disneyland, I am thinking we might have to cross off "the happiest place on earth" and leave it until the kids are a bit older - we wouldn't want to blemish Disney's reputation now would we?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The insanity never ends



What is wrong with me??? I don't seem to be able to leave well enough alone.

We have done SO much renovating and we have done it quickly. I was speaking to two separate people last week, each were doing the renovation thing. They were saying that they had been renovating ever since they moved in - "So have we", I related, "how long have you been at it?"

"Six years."

WHAT!!! Six years. God help me.

We are 90% finished on all our renotations. It has taken us a year. I am looking at our place and am HATING the mass of one colour which is our interior walls - the colour WE picked out. Don't get me wrong. I still like the colour, just not everywhere. I would like to break it up somehow and perhaps paint the TV room a different colour.

Right now, the majority of the house is a colour called "Ripe Wheat". It is a golden yellow, which we picked to inspire warmth. But when I look at our place, it all looks a bit ....blah - too much yellow.

I am thinking a blue for the TV room - it will inspire the opposite effect to the yellow, but perhaps that is a good thing. The weird thing is that I have never liked the colour yellow. I am not sure why....too much of it in the school and sports uniforms perhaps - I always seemed to be in teams that were green and gold.

Anyway, the TV room doesn't have much light and the golden yellow with the brown leather lounge makes the room look so drab, boring and ho hum sigh. When I mentioned my feelings about it a month ago or so, Ashley responded with what can only be described as a silent disgust, at the thought of repainting - so I dropped it. But he is in Brazil this week (hee hee). I have been looking at colours and I think I might start accumulating the sample pots. I have a wall that is discrete enough to experiment with - you know... trying out some different hues and hide it behind the telly. If find one I like I may see if I can paint it myself. What do you think?

Saturday, October 21, 2006

The Sales Gathering

Well, well, well....how the tide turns.
I went to the much anticipated and, just as equally, dreaded Sales Gathering tonight...so let me talk a little bit about that.
I have previously dissed the sales gathering as nothing more than a suped at attempt to lure well meaning friends into spending their hard earned cash on some hideously over-priced rubbish....well in general anyway.
So...where do I start....how about the beginning? Yes, how logical.
I knocked on the door...it opened. I was greeted with a toothy smile and through gritted teeth the "grumpy" neighbour invites me in with a "I am glad you came." Her gestures and energy were welcoming and friendly....I have learnt that the gritted teeth speech is just the way she talks...hmmmmm, interesting.
A group of about 6 women were seated in her warm sitting room. I was introduced immediately...the tealight candle lady was there. We chatted quite a bit. She was lovely. It was like we were starting over.
I was offered WINE.
'KEN OATH! I blurted in my head.
"Thank you, a red would be lovely", I said. Gee, I must have left the bumbling inner idiot at home.
As I sat down, I noticed some bowls of "product"...bejewelled stainless steel serving utensils - not a chip bowl, egg flipper, novelty oven mitt or three-tiered pineapple piece dispenser in sight -I could relax.
The group of women started talking. They all knew each other, but made sure I was included in the conversation. At no point did I feel like the outsider. We chatted about this and that for a good 45 minutes, the "crafter" too, before the host asked the "crafter" if she "had a thing to say or do". And with that, the formal part of the evening began.
There were no glossy brochures to dazzle and hypnotise, and no supply of pencils, because there were no order forms. What you saw was what you could buy and take home on the night. There was no placing an order and forgetting what the hell it was you were coerced into purchasing. Which kind of ruins the fun and surprise of opening the order you placed four weeks prior and pulling out some obscure object, while wondering if your scones were laced with some kind of drug for you to have purchased "THAT"! I am not complaining.
The sales schpeel was relaxed and disorganised and took all of 15 minutes - tops. Her non-sales style made it enjoyable in a way. She didn't go on about "the quality" or "the originality", or "the advantages" in buying her product. She made the items in front of us, so it was more or less like - this is what I do, this is what I have - this is what it costs....so if you like it...buy it.
After the sales schpeel, the host notified us that there was food in the other room.....yummy food, and more wine. We gathered up some food, topped up our glasses and chatted beside the products. The "crafter" went into another room to do the transactions. She was discreet, no pressure. If you wanted to buy something you could, and it wasn't obvious if some people didn't purchase. I even bought a couple of things - there were some good Christmas present ideas there.
After the formalities, we sat back down again; no one left. We talked for a few hours. We talked about places to see and things to do. Someone mentioned a local winery. Someone else mentioned that they hold cooking classes there. Someone else suggested we, as a group of women from the same street, take the class together. It sounded like a great idea to me. I said "I'm in".
The host is going to look into it and let us all know.
So there you go. I had FUN. I laughed. I got to know some people. I drank WINE. I may even have a further social engagement to go to at some stage in the future, and it is not another sales gathering. This wasn't a typical sales gathering. It was more like a..... hmmmmm, a party.

Friday, October 20, 2006

There she blows....


In Australia we lived in a suburb called Flagstaff Hill - and as the name suggests....we were on the top of a hill.
There were many things I liked about that old place, most of all the conservation park, which was only a street away, and sank into a deep valley, where the winter mists would settle and drift at eye level. It was beautiful , silent and serene.
Another thing I liked, but had never really considered before, was the breeze. It was frequently very windy on the top of the hill where our place resided. We had a huge stringy bark gum in the backyard. The parrots, magpies and other birds would all gather there, warbling and chattering the day away. Occasionally the wind would whip up quite a frenzy, bending the branches in all directions, thrashing the leaves around like a long haired head banger at a rock concert. The sound of the wind hurtling through the leaves and branches was akin to the roar of a distant crowd; the tree besieged by the lashing and lapsing of wind appeared as though the heavens were truly breathing in and out with laboured determination. That tree honestly creaked. Two limbs rubbed together, reminding me of taut ropes rubbing against the mast of a boat as it rocked an rolled gently on a playful ocean...same haunting sound.
These sights and sounds were threatening and soothing at the same time. We had been known to lose a few large branches from time to time, and were very lucky that none ever hit the house. On really wild weathered evenings, one could not help peering out into the dark reckless night to watch the battering that tree received, secretly wondering if tonight might be the night our luck runs out, and that massive tree ends up on the roof.
We are so sheltered here in Delta, I can't vouch for the rest of the lower mainland, but we are surrounded by mountains and then there are the many islands shielding us in the Gulf - it is also very low lying here. This combination ensures an extremely mild climate (for Canada) and a stillness that still feels kind of unnatural to me.
Last night however, it blew! I could count on one hand how often that has happened since landing here. I thoroughly enjoyed it, I must say.
The large cedar next to the house tossed and thrashed in the orange glow of the street light - it raged and danced. The wind breathed through the leaves and branches with a soothing, whispering hush, but the best part was stepping out into the brisk air and feeling that wind slap my face with its icy hands, and penetrate through my usually warm jacket, confronting me to feel what I could not escape in that moment. I folded my arms tight, in an attempt to salvage what little warmth I had left, while hoping to create some more. I could only bare the cold for a little while; I was tempted to go back inside for another layer of clothing, but instead I chose to enjoy the moment, and feel.
I know I go on about it, but I just love nature - the trees and animals. I love the seasons- all four of them, and I love the atmospheric displays that mother nature surprises us with on a daily basis: the rain, snow, fog, cloudless blue, radiating heat...and of course the wind. All this deserves our attention and our thanks, for these are some of the true gifts of life.

L'artiste



The rainy weather has begun and to ward of insanity, it was necessary to take refuge at Michels - the mega-art supplies store.
Last month, my inner alarm sounded when the thermostat began to quaver against the first breaths of northern chill. Heeding this warning I scoured the local book store, like a panicked squirrel in search of nuts. My search paid dividends, as I found a book within the genre of my serach - "The Essential Rainy Day Book". It was full of arts and craft ideas to occupy bored and restless kids - SOLD.
Today saw the second day of rain, and a blanket of leaves which had fallen over night - this time the cold weather was here to stay, so I dragged out the book and left in sitting precariously on the edge of the table....beckoning the curious to give it a flick through.
Of course Alex wanted to make candy animals...marsipan, horrible stuff. I was able to spark his interest elsewhere and the finger puppets eventually captured his imagination.
So we headed off to Michels for felt and glue. $90 later, we emerged with felt, glue, paint, paint smocks, paint brushes, stickers, coloured paper, tissue paper...and a basket. On the way home, we even stopped in at the fruit and veg shop to collect a box to make a puppet theatre.
Alex hounded me to make a panda finger puppet and Olivia wanted a "purple one", so I set out to make a parrot for her. Unfortunatley they didn't really stick around and help with the finger puppet making - so two was the extent of it...for now anyway.
They were very eager to put on the smocks next, and get into the paints. Alex was interested in colour. He enjoyed experimenting with what different colours were made when mixed - especially the effect white had on a strong colour. Olivia is 2 years old and LOVES painting. She uses the whole page and enjoys the texture of paint and making patterns on the page - swirls, lines, waves, circles and dots. I have watched her paint at playgroup - her actions appear full of purpose adn intent; she enthuses creative energy and appears to salivate in front of a fresh white sheet, relishing the opportunity to transform it, whereas I have nervously considered how I might approach the same situation - fearing the ruining of the perfect canvas with an imperfect representation of the image in my head. I think she may be a budding artist. I really want to encourage that.
The paints were eventually put away, not because they had had enough, but due to the mess - Olivia had paint everywhere. She couldn't help touching it, squelching her fingers through it, smearing it all over the table and covering her hands with it - front and back.
We had fun whiling away the afternoon in a creative flurry of excitement, colour and mess. We still have a puppet theatre to build yet, not to mention the other puppets....oh and masks and beaded jewelery and muffin cooking and....maybe this winter won't be so bad after all.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

A passage.........


"At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread, of course, is that we won't stop loving them, even after they're dead and gone. For I still love you will the whole of my heart, Prabaker. I still love you. And sometimes, my friend, the love that I have, and can't give to you, crushes the breath from my chest. Sometimes, even now, my heart is drowning in a sorrow that has no stars without you, and no laughter, and no sleep."

Gregory David Roberts - Shantaram (2003) pg. 629.

friendship and scattered thoughts


I don't know how long we are going to be living here in Canada. It may be a longer or shorter stint than we are planning on; no one can ever know exactly what may arise in the future, and of course there is the push and pull factor to consider...you know, the push to leave versus the pull to stay.
Any type of move is a big consideration, and we certainly weighed up the multitude of factors before we up sticks and left the country of our birth, eighteen months ago.
Considering the overall upheaval of a move of international proportions, the effect on children is among the biggest of our concerns, but also opportunity and purpose. We are already asking ourselves: "what on earth would we do over there, if we went back"?
I had a little boy over to play today. It was initially absolute chaos. Alex was overly excited and I had trouble calming him down, but the kids had a great time and spent almost an hour in the sand pile next door. When the little boy's Dad came over to pick him up, they spent an extra 90 minutes at our place and we got to chatting while the kids rode bikes in the parking lot. Ninety WHOLE minutes talking to another adult...in person! That is almost unheard of for me. The lady across the road even came over to chat with us. It also appears I have managed to develop a connection with a woman from Toastmasters (of all places!). I feel there is potential for a good friendship here, however embryonic at this stage. She is older and works (who doesn't around here). She has 4 older kids (youngest is 9), and said she was interested in our families getting together at some stage. She is very carefree and fun. She has a great positive attitude and is quite the inspiration, for many reasons.
It has taken the entire 18 months to find people; connect with people and build…. something, although nothing is really deep yet. It doesn’t matter if we move to the next town, time zone or country in the future, we will have to repeat and rebuild all that we achieve during our time in this town
It is not easy to make friends, for adults or kids. It is harder still, when a person has no-one willing to vouch for them and introduce them to an already established circle of friends. And then it takes a further commitment to keep that connection alive, especially when distance becomes a factor. It certainly helps the old mental state to have people around…good people. I do like my own space. I don’t require dozens of people around me, but I like to have a few that I can connect with for a chat, and exchange ideas. For me, it is a slow and steady process…this friendship business. Quality takes time, like a good wine, as they say.
When we left Australia, Alex had one little friend, called Sam. He just loved Sam, but even at the point of leaving Australia, I never really understood just how much he loved him. Whenever I would mention Sam, Alex would become really upset, clingy and sad…it would last for days - it was like he was feeling an intense grieving pain, in missing his best buddy. Alex was only 2 years old at the time and hasn’t seen his friend in over a year, but we are at least at a point now, where Alex can talk about Sam without getting upset. He still remembers him and says he wants to visit him. I would like that too. The family moved to Calgary from Adelaide three months after we moved to Vancouver. I have even looked into the cost of flying over there; an obscene $800 for three of us.... money I don't have. I guess I could do a road trip next year once the weather improves. Oh, I just thought of the train, maybe I could look into a train trip over there - Alex would LOVE that - sorry, just thinking out aloud.
Arrrr, to go back….to where….why? To stay….for how long, and at what cost? It was great to see Alex with his new friend today….it was great to see me with a new friend today….I guess there is loss in every decision we make. We decide if any single choice is worth the pain, the sacrifice, the effort, the risk. I think we consider such things in every choice we make…the more fundamental decisions take a little longer to process, occupying and demanding more of our attention, that’s all.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Costumes

We went Halloween costume shopping today. It was interesting, and with only a couple of weeks to go before the big night..well, it seems we might have left our run a bit late in terms of finding a good costume ....or perhaps they were all THAT bad to begin with.
In Australia we don't celebrate Halloween so much. Occasionally a group of cheeky outrageously dress tikes would ring the doorbell and loudly plot their revenge, should I turn out to be some horrible old biddy who tells them all to bugger off. The first year I should have rushed out at them so they headed off screaming in terror down the road never to return, instead of hiding silently, cowering in the kitchen like a hostage, because I didn't have a brass razzoo to offer them - not even the dreaded apple!
I was prepared the next year, and of course, not a single bloody kid bothered to show up. Grrrrrrrrrr!
The next year I forgot again, but that time I did manage to find something lurking in the dark corners of the pantry cupboard. I gave them each a sachet of some horrible chocolate sauce I had been meaning to throw out. What!!!! Its technically junk food. Although the look on their faces suggested they may have been acquainted with those sachets before - mystified and not happy - I was lucky I didn't get egged really.
Yes, Halloween was not the norm in Australia. In fact, the first I ever heard of it, I was ten years old, and that was in a book - Blubber by the wonderful Judy Blume .
The story was about difference, bullying and the effects of bullying. In Blubber, the main character used the excuse of Halloween to taunt "the fat girl" by dressing as a flenser or whale hunter. She thought her costume idea was very clever, except none of her peers knew what a flenser was, and so her costume failed dismally to inflict the desired sting and embarrassment onto her target, nor did she gather the laughs and congratulations from her peers. It was one of those - "sucked in!" moments, lets call it - sweet justice.
Judy Blume was my favourite author as a young girl. She was brilliant at capturing the essence of social behavior in children and young people. I sought out all of her books, and eagerly awaited a new release.....anyway, I digress.
During today's costume scavenge, I discovered that I really am a bit of a stick in the mud over some things, as I found myself quite confronted by most of the costumes.
Alex really wanted to dress up as Scooby Doo. I don't know why, he hasn't watched that show before. Anyway, there were no Scooby outfits, so instead he wanted to be a Giraffe - his favorite animal. There were a two such costumes floating around and both looked equally silly. I really had to bite my tongue over them and pray that he would decide against that idea. He did....Amen!
Last year he went as a king, which was his idea. I just bought a knights tunic, that happened to come with a crumby looking crown. I bought a plastic sword to go with it. It was a pretty conservative choice, but Alex liked it, and since he isn't really into dressing up, an elaborate costume is not really a good investment.
In the end, Olivia chose a fairy costume - which was a relief - she had some crazy ideas previously, anything from SuperMAN to a banana...don't ask!
Alex was happy enough to allow me to buy a magicians cape...I am thinking mileage out of that one - magician one year, wizard the next, Dracular maybe, a matador -ok, I maybe plucking at straws now, but you can see where I am going with the cape thing, can't you?
I am not really the dress-up type myself - can you tell? I feel like a complete dork. I avoid dress-up parties like the plague...I schedule an appointment with something dire and very contagious that will prevent me from attending ...err, like the plague. I am not really sure why. It is not like I never went to such parties as a child. Our little town used to put on a Christmas party every year for all the little kids, and it was always a dress up affair. I remember dressing up as Little Red Riding Hood one year and also a nurse - but the most memorable outfit was a very girlie fairy costume that my Mum made me - Barbie pink tulle tutu, and delicate pink wings, and Dad made me a wooden fairy wand with a star on top which he painted silver - the whole outfit was the BEST thing EVER - a little girls dream come true. I loved it! Looks like I am just going to have to continue reminding myself to have more BLASTED FUN; after all, that IS what Halloween is all about.

Monday, October 16, 2006

slip sliding away

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Alex had his pre-school trip to the pumpkin patch today, and he asked me if I could come too.
The pumpkins are there for fall decorating and especially for the Halloween aspect, particularly the jack-o-lantern carving.
I decided to go, as one of the other Mother's said the teachers needed help transporting all those pumpkins.
I had never been to anything like this - they certainly don't have "pumpkin patches" in Australia. In this pumpkin patch there was a pumpkin field, but they had decorated the fields and paths along the way to the patch, with lots of interesting things for kids. There was a hay ride out to the pumpkin patch with a duet band playing songs that the kids could sing along to. Most of the kids sat stony faced not knowing what to expect. On the hayride to the pumpkin fields we passed a spooky looking castle, the pumpkin "cemetery" and a giant, rather scary, lumpy headed pumpkin, with a gappy toothed grin like it had been in one too many punch-ups.
Once out at the pumpkin patch, the "Pumpkin Princess" met the kids and told them which part of the patch was best, and a bunch of other silly stuff. It was so fun, and I am really glad I went.
The teachers definitely needed help. There were 23 kids and they searched far and wide for the perfect pumpkin, which seemed to be a mile away from the hay ride stop. All the "chosen ones" were far too big for the kids to carry, I ended up having to carry 5 of the things - my arms are still shaking. I'll say the teachers needed help!
One kid, who didn't know me from a bar of soap, handed me his pumpkin and puffed, "I am sooooo glad you are here" - ha! I guess he had been struggling with his pumpkin too long - and he didn't care WHO he off loaded his vegetable too.
The pumpkin patch was a sticky boggy plain of muck and our shoes were caked in it and most of the kids slipped in it - it was quite disgusting really, but also pretty funny. My pants were covered in mud and my shoes....oh man, I really need to invest in some rubber boots.
Silly me thought they were given a pumpkin from some kind of barrel of squeaky clean pre-picked pumpkins - I am so clueless sometimes.
At the end, the kids were given an apple to munch on for the ride home in the school bus. The two hours went so quick. Even Alex asked why pre-school as over already. I told him he must of had too much fun since time seemed to pass so quick - he agreed.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Some jobs I have done


Okay...Okay! So I had a bit of a dig about the "sales gathering" the other day. Yep no one's perfect, I hear ya. I have had my fair share of jobs too you know. I got my first taste of the employment when I was fourteen.
I spent a week with a friend at her Aunt's house in a rural town near a popular seaside haunt. Her Aunt and Uncle lived in a little house out the back of a corner deli, which they owned and operated.
As part of our keep, my friend and I were to help Uncle and Auntie here and there...it was not stringently enforced and my friend attempted to weasel out of the commitment whenever she sighted an open avenue for escape.
It was a fun week...I had a ball. We even went to the old pre-dawn fruit and veg market on Rundle Street in Adelaide - that really was a great experience - to witness such a frenzy of confusion, energy and activity - the market smells, the haggling, the forklifts gliding from pallet to truck and back again, the frosty morning air, the orange glow of poor lighting, the accents ...it seemed that the world was there, and all this, while the majority slept; unaware of the energies that had gone into ensuring one had fresh bananas in store, ready for breakfast.
That first good work experience lead me to seek out similar work a couple months later, in the local roadhouse/truckstop. I enjoyed working there, but I was a junior to many senior women, who would have preferred to have been anywhere other than that place. These women worked because they had to, and so I, like most of the young part timers there, became the target of their resentment, and was treated with about as much respect and consideration as the rat shit under the shelves in the store room.
Then in the weeks after finishing year 12 Ashley and I took a job in an apricot orchard as fruit cutters and pickers. It was an incredibly sexist environment, where the women and kids were paid to cut the fruit, and ONLY the men were allowed to pick it. "So...who cares?", I hear you say. Well the men were paid $10 per hour to pick fruit, but the cutters were paid $1 per tray of cut apricots. Now I tried the apricot cutting by hand. It was not easy to do, especially if you wanted to make decent money, and lets face it, why would you be there otherwise?
I would cut as fast as I could all day and only manage a rate of $4 per hour. Yep, it took me 15 minutes to complete one tray, and that was working at top speed while cutting my hands to ribbons in the meantime....what a complete waste of time.
I did have a win in that establishment though. I complained to the boss that I was very slow at the hand cutting and the boss' wife started me up working the cutting machine - this task paid $10 per hour.
Ashley left me in the middle of the season to start his apprenticeship, but I battled on and pestered the boss to let me pick the fruit with the men (anything but the hand cutting). He always promised to "think about it", but each day I was disappointed. On what was to be the final day of the season, I had yet another win....I was asked to come out and pick fruit. I felt triumphant in my quest to have once again avoided the drudgery that was hand cutting.
The team was made up of a dozen or so men ranging from their early twenties to late sixties. It was a bit of a farce really. They basically stuffed around the entire time, smoked cigarettes, took turns sitting on their bums, and told lewd jokes in order to embarass me, all the while I slaved to prove my worth. I was so proud of myself when the boss told me I was a fine worker and he would be happy to have me back again next year - he concluded his note of approval by telling me I was "just as good as any one of the blokes"....what a bloody insult!
After that job, I moved out of home and into the city. It was the recession and jobs were scarce, but I managed to get a job in a cafe. It was unchallenging, but the boss was nice, so it was enjoyable enough until the business was sold. I don't know why my new boss agreed to keep me on. He seemed to resent my being in his employ, and on my nineteenth birthday I was unceremoniously sacked for being too old - I was no longer a junior you see...best birthday present ever - in hindsight of course - I was free to find something better.
The best job I have had - to date - was found in a seaside tourist town where my parents lived; it was in the local video shop. You might think that sounds like a bludgers deal, but this was a HUGE video shop with over 6,000 titles. It was also the local recorded music shop, and later began a photo processing shop - I was so busy I barely knew what to do first. It was great. The best bit was that I often worked in the place by myself, especially during the dead of winter. I treated that place like it were my own, and my bosses , a married couple, placed their full trust and confidence in me, which was a great feeling. Of course I endeavored to never let them down. They were an interesting pair, the wife was so lovely. She treated me like a friend rather than an employee. The husband was frequently hilarious - though he was quite oblivious to this fact. I remember one time the local pharmacist barged in accusing me of mishandling his "standing order of football tickets" - we were also a ticketing agency for various events. Football tickets were a hot item and would sell out in an feverish display of commotion - in scenes not unlike the stockmarket floor before it became computerized. The pharmacist suggested that I was deliberately not processing his ticket order, because his "friend" had bought them recently and had said there were many remaining. In defense of me, my boss simply and unapologetically informed the pharmacist "ya mate's pullin' his pud" - which, to the untrained ear, is Australian for - I am sorry sir, but you are mistaken and your male friend appears to be a masturbator - I could barely contain my hysterics, while the stuffy old pharmacist, not really knowing what to do with that revelation, left the shop in a humbled dither.
I think the worst job I ever had was the sales clerk job for a jeweler. Sounds glamorous, but most of the time was spent pacing the seldomly frequented shop floor, stalking and casing the joint to become the first to snare anyone who dared venture even halfway into the front door. The rest of the time was spent cleaning all finger prints and face marks off the glass, both inside and outside of the shop.
In order to meet your monthly sales target you had to sell big time, and when times were lean, you really didn't care if it was the ugliest piece of crap you had ever set eyes on and had previously shuddered at the very thought of any fool trying it on, let alone buying the odious object - but when under pressure, suddenly everything "looks STUNNING on you, darl". Having to lower myself to such cheap and deceitful tactics was perhaps the most degrading aspect of the job, and I have never let myself forget that. I quit when I was accepted into University and although I was asked to return for the Christmas sales period, but I declined...I still felt dirty.
I have never set the world alight on the career front, but I wouldn't change any one of these experiences - they have truely coloured my world.

Natures arm wrestle

I ventured out this morning, into the now familiar fog. It sure was beautiful - a gauzy veil sillouetting the landscape into a world of vague, but still discernible shapes. Conifers spired toward the heavens - upper limbs shrouded to invisibility. Four little birds bolted out of a nearby cedar, sounding an avionic bugle call to rejoice in the commencement of yet another day... they disappeared into a plume of vapor. Even the sounds of the morning are different in the fog. The distant murmur of traffic is muffled - but nearby bird calls are enhanced. It is as if Nature was whispering to me, "hey, listen to this.....".
Tomorrow is supposed to be raining. The temperature is set to plummet to a frosty 11 degrees Celsius. I will miss the fog tomorrow.
This season- the Fall- is named so, to depict the annual shedding of deciduous leaves. But in witnessing the fog, it is also a reminder that the dreary gloom of winter hovers close. The fog's inevitable evaporation is offered as a sign that outgoing summer is willing to stay and fight with winter, just a little longer...one more day, at least. But just as the snow geese know that it is time to commence their annual migration down from Russia, summer will also fall to the cold grasp of winter. It is evitable. It is natures design.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Perseverance


About six months ago, I got to talking with a woman from the pre-school. She was telling me that she had recently split from her husband; she had three kids, her maternity leave for her baby girl was almost due, which meant returning to her job in the supermarket.
She didn't think she could survive on that wage with a young family, and said she needed to look to the future and start building the foundations to a better life for her growing family; something she could do when they were all in school full time. Her solution - to return to school and attempt to gain an accounting degree....full-time.
When she told me all of this, my eyes became as big as dinner plates, because I attempted full-time study with ONE kid, and couldn't do it - mind you I had a newborn.
I asked her if she had ever studied before. "Oh yes", she informed me, she had done pre-med, but abandoned that career path in preference for "a life", she said. She went on to tell me that she had spent many years of soul searching since those days". She was obviously no fool.
Well the accounting thing lasted a semester, which is a pretty tremendous feat in itself, if you ask me. She said it was exhausting with the three kids, but passed each of her subjects with marks of 90%+ . I was flabbergasted, and in awe of this woman...she REALLY appeared to be wonder woman.
She did decide to take a break from study this next semester, because she found that the reality of surviving with three kids on a student loan was just a tad unrealistic..."their little faces". So she got a job.
I have learnt that this incredible person is also extremely creative and is into scrapbooking. She has even been approached about publishing her pages in magazines.
She got herself a 4-days a week job in a scrapbooking shop. She was happy to have the money, but was again, exhausted after a full day at work and then the three kids. I helped her out by taking her middle child to pre-school with us on the days she required, and her best friend would watch the kids after school.
She told me the other day that she was thankful to have the job, but again, could see no future beyond what she already had, which was basically a low paying cashiers position. She said the prospects of a low paying job with no benefits moved her to suck it up once again, and persist with her accounting degree.
This morning at pre-school, she tells me (beaming she was), that she has been "offered an accounting position" - already! "The job is only two days a week", she informs me, "but the pay is double her current job". She will lose nothing by reducing her hours to spend more time with her kids". I was so so happy for her.
She gave me hope. She has been doing it tough for a long time, and it seems her hard work is paying off; she had a vision and it is materialising. It just goes to show, when we hope and pray, visualise and believe, the universe will work just as hard to ensure that these energies bear fruit ... if this is the higher will.
Her story has inspired me to dream loudly, dream vividly, let it go from mind but not from heart, and take small steps toward these aims. Anything.... is possible.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

WARNING: possibly offensive....


A neighbour came over yesterday afternoon and announced she was having a party, adding that it would be great if I could come. I don't know this neighbour very well, in fact, the only time she had spoken to me, was to sneer and hiss at our dogs...so her sudden extending of the hand of friendship was rather unexpected. "ALL the neighbours are coming", she gloated.
Of course...it was going to be one of THOSE parties.
The picture on the invitation showed three women in party hats, wine in hand, streamers falling about them and party blowers - these "parties" are never like that.
Over the years, I have attended my fair share of sales gatherings (I refuse to call them PARTIES). I have been invited to events promoting the sale of books, cosmetics, tupperware, toys, linen, tealight candles, lingerie, crafts, and much much more. Many of these sales gatherings have been put on by very close friends or family, who I have been happy to support - we all have to make a buck somehow now, don't we?
I do have one friend however, who I only ever heard from when she was having a "sales gathering". She tended to ring me at the last minute, usually the night before, to inform me she was having an event, not many people were coming, so could I please come "to make up the numbers". I guess I am probably a bit oversensitive, but...I am BLOODY offended by that. "What... your real friends couldn't come?"
I must say - I would actually prefer it if I didn't go to such events. I certainly don't want to sit around for two hours talking about plastic containers that cost the earth....sure, they have a lifetime guarantee (sigh...whatever, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz). I always feel obliged to buy something - even if I don't want anything, and I don't really have the money to fritter away needlessly. And on the rare occasion that I had the strength to NOT buy anything, then I feel guilty that I enjoyed the hosts hospitality, nibbled on the chips and dip and generally wasted the sales reps time...I guess that is the effect that these organisations are kind of aiming for really.
I am also constantly amazed when I attend these sales gatherings, and see other invitees getting so into it. They scan their glossy brochures with glassy eyed enthusiasm, pencils poise, ready for swift circling action when a desired item appears, not unlike a hunter preparing to snare a prized beast. And they discuss the items with such concentrated interest and expertise as if they are about to purchase a valuable rare antique. "So....the three tiered pineapple piece dispenser...does it really guarantee to keep your pineapple fresh for up to 8 weeks while draining it of unnecessary liquids...I am impressed! I MUST have one of those." Oh please!
Or when the sales person starts the pitch, "just look at the quality ladies.... you won't find quality like this in any store. This egg flipper will turn a perfect fried egg everytime or your money back". To which the hypnotised nod in unison, mesmerised by a bit of old plastic while frantically circling the item in the glossy brochure.
At the end of the night, invitees tally the cost of their selected items, have a minor heart attack, review the list and conclude that they simply can't go on living without a single one , especially the pancake flipper that comes with a pair of novelty oven mits, even though it looks suspiciously like the egg flipper, which is ESSENTIAL after all. They then extend a quivering hand, holding a cheque made out for a small fortune, and leave with an impending feeling of being ripped off, while the host salivates over the limited number of uninspiring host gifts and "free" sales target prizes.
I have NEVER held such a sales gathering; there is something unsavory about inviting friends and acquaintances to spend their hard earned cash on items they could possibly find in a store, if they REALLY needed it..if not, SURELY they could call the appropriate sales gathering rep and place an order without having to endure the blessed "party".
Since living in this street, I have been invited to a Tupperware party, which I couldn't attend because I was in Australia (oh damn); two tealight candle parties, both times I had NO spare cash to fritter away on something I could never imagine ever using. I already have a couple of tealight candle holders, and honestly, two is enough....so I didn't go to either of those events. I have noticed however, that the tealight candle neighbour refuses to acknowledge my existence, so I think my declining to attend was an offence - oops.
So.... in the spirit of being neighbourly and a good sport, I have decided to attend the grouchy neighbours bloomin' sales gathering. I have no idea what product is on offer "Spirals Gourmetware - wire home decor" the invitation reads (...help me). I suppose it cooooooould be FUN. The "party" is in two weeks...believe me, you WILL be hearing about it.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Harrison Hot Springs

Over the Thanksgiving long weekend, we headed over to Harrison Hot Springs; a great little touristy town with heaps to offer.
This is a picture of Harrison Lake.
Harrison Hot Springs is about a 90 minute drive from our place. The town lies at the feet of the Rocky Mountains - it is mountains mountains mountains after this place. As the name suggests, there are actual hot spring that you can swim in. The natural temperature of the water however, is a frightening 74 degrees Celsius. Thankfully, several places around the town, including a public pool and some resort hotels, have temperature controlled pools set at a beautiful 38 degrees Celsius. We went for a dip in the public pool and it was soooOOOOooooo nice. Ashley felt sleepy afterward, the kids ravenous, but I felt wonderfully relaxed and energized.
After the swim we walked along the lakeside. We are thinking of coming here again in the winter and perhaps staying overnight. There was so much to do here. We didn't even have time to walk along the many trails, nor visit nearby Minton Gardens, which is supposedly quite lovely. It was a great place to visit....not sure why we hadn't come here before. B.C is indeed beautiful, it just has so much to offer.

sand sculptures

As previously discussed - the good beaches appear not beside the seaside so much over here in the south west corner of B.C, but alongside the lakes. Harrison Lake is one such example and has a really great beach.
Last month Harrison Hot Springs held a sand sculpture competition. The sculptures were maintained for a month for people to view. Apparently they spray the sand with some kind of moisture locking stuff. Whatever it was, it worked a charm because the sculptures looked as fresh as the day they were created. There were certainly some pretty amazing creations on display...some people are just so damn talented!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Thanksgiving 2006


Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! It still feels a bit foreign to us...this whole Thanksgiving thing. We kind of feel like we are faking it. Last year I even had to research the internet to see what we were meant to do.
I know it is all about giving thanks for the summer harvest; the gifts and bounties received throughout the year and to pray for a bountiful, fruitful "crop" to bless us, next year, and it has been a good year really. It was tough in the beginning, but the summer was very good. In fact we are very thankful that the summer has been a long one.
The nights and mornings are getting chillier, but there is still plenty of sunshine throughout the day. I can count on one hand, with fingers to spare, just how many times it has rained since August.
I actually like the idea that we speak up and give thanks for our fortunes - gratitude is a gift in itself and has its own power. I guess the "faking-it" part comes from a lack of Thanksgiving tradition. Even at Christmas, we have traditionally spent it with familly. It just seems a little quiet, a bit everyday, having such an extravegant meal, just for the four of us.....and then what?
We prepare the food, we serve it up, chase the kids all over the house, fighting with them to wash their hands and be seated so we can eat together. We negotiate about what, and how much is acceptable to be eaten before they are allowed to leave the table, and then we get disappointed that they have hardly touched the lovingly prepared meal. Then there is are a pile of dishes to do - just like every other day really, except the meal took a lot longer to prepare than usual.
Christmas with family or a dinner party with friends meant chatting and catching up before, during and after the meal. Dad would be jumping up making sure everyone has a full glass of whatever. The women were typically in the kitchen helping to get the food ready, chatting as they did so. The meal would be eaten, we would complain together about how ridiculously full our bellies were....then we'd have dessert! The younger ones would snigger at the older ones fighting the losing battle to remain awake after the hearty meal. We might go for a walk along the beach to "walk off our lunch", if we were at Mum's house or we'd play with the dogs at our place or Gandmas place. We would chat and catch up with whoever was there, while unnecessarily grazing on the irresistable colourfully wrapped chocolates from the chocolate bowl, while downing a few more wines or perhaps a coffee, and we would watch the kids playing, and interacting with older relatives - grandparents, great-grandparents, Aunts and Uncles.
Mmmmm....I am thankful I have joyful memories such as these. "My life maybe long, but my time with my loved ones, is short"....I hope to have more memories to look back on with these people - distance highlights such things.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Gift

When I was thirteen, and during the final week of the summer holidays, my Mum and Dad bought me a blue, secondhand ten-speed bike. I loved it. I even remember the day when I first learned that it would be mine.
I had spent the afternoon with some neighbours, who had taken a group of us for a swim in the Murray River. I injured myself.
While walking in the murky shallows, I was stabbed in the foot by a sharp stick protruding from the nauseatingly soft oozing mud - God only knows what else was lurking there...I always tried not to think too much about it!
Much blood spilled from my foot, which understandably gave the neighbours the heebie jeebies. Consequently, the swim was abandoned and our group were taken home - I hated the fact that I was the party pooper.
I was standing by when Mum informed Dad that she would be taking me to the clinic to get stitched up. He barely looked up....well, only long enough for me to note the disappointment and irritation in his abrupt reply, "well, I guess we won't be picking up that bike now, will we". Despite that comment, the bike was still up for grabs the following day, we hadn't missed out after all.
I did already have a bike - a purple dragster, but I really wanted a ten-speed, not that I voiced this desire. Ten-speeds were the kind of bike the big kids had; it was a serious bike...dragsters were for kids!
I don't really know what it was about that bike, as opposed to the purple dragster, but it was more than a bike to me. I rode it everywhere and at every opportunity. It was my escape vehicle. If I wanted to leave, or was bored, I took my bike and rode for miles, thinking and checking out the town. If I was frustrated or angry, I rode hard and fast until my pounding legs screamed with agony, when my throat would not, or could not. It was my release.
This was also at a time before Australia introduced mandatory bike helmet laws. I enjoyed feeling the wind tussling my hair; the cold breeze slapping my face; my fingers numb, red and stingy after a frosty winter ride to school.
I usually rode to school as fast as I could, which is surprising, because I DETESTED school with every morsel of myself, but then again, I barely ever said a word there, so I guess I was experiencing my own brand of the rant and rave as I raced...anger and frustration released before stepping into the dreaded classroom...that's healthy isn't it?
I would even time the journey; 6 minutes was the time to beat, if I remember correctly. I couldn't tell you exactly how far away I lived from the school...3kms maybe?
I usually walked my bike slowly home after school, giving myself ample time to reflect, digest and ponder the days events, and also the bigger, mostly morbid questions. I would also make up poems in my head, and promptly forget them once I arrived home. It only occurred to me much later, that I should write them down. Oh well. No great loss, you can be assured of that.
Anyway that bike served me well - it represented freedom. It also meant an awful lot to me, that my parents entrusted me, not only with a new bike, but allowing let me take my bike anytime.... no questions asked, and simply disappear.
Ashley fixed my bike today. It had been standing idle since the move to Canada, tyre tubes deflated and lifeless - not the blue ten-speed. Unfortunately that bike was stolen from me when I moved out of home sixteen years ago.
I rode my current bike today without a helmet -I know...I know- but to feel the breeze whipping through my hair; and the brisk autumn chill stinging my face and my legs screaming as I tore down the streets - hard and fast.....well, it made me smile.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I spy...

The post-modernist leaves interpretation to the individual to ponder, analyse, laugh at or shudder. I choose to laugh. Posted by Picasa

Friday, October 06, 2006

words and pictures



Alex drew a picture for his friend Riley, who was coming over to play. I asked him what it was, because he had started out drawing a whale spouting water. I thought it was pretty good, but this picture had more bits and pieces to it, and was all yellow.

His answer "constellations". Where on earth he heard that word, I have no idea. Yes, this is my four year old. When I asked him where he heard the word constellations, he said he "just knows it". Did he heard it on TV...? He said he didn't.

I then asked him if he knew what constellations were. "No!" was the reply. "Star patterns in the sky", was my very brief answer. "Yes", he said pointing to the picture, "constellations".

Well blow me down!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Please Explain....


You really DO have to think about what you are saying when talking to a child. One minute you are minding your own business and the next you are explaining in inner workings of living things - well, the walking and breathing variety anyway.
We were eating lunch when Alex choked on his drink, amidst all the spluttering, I innocently quipped, "hey, did that go down the wrong hole?" A received a puzzled look, the cogs started turning and he clutched his throat, Oh no, here it comes.... He regained his composure and then it emerged, "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
"Ummmm....some drink nearly went down your breathing hole, instead of the food hole to your stomach - that's all". Blank.......... that was the look I got back. He is ONLY four. What the hell am I thinking?
The explanation was not acceptable and I had to come up with a something better, which was explained about three times. Then he tried to swallow down the correct hole and wanted to know if the swallowing hole was on the left or right side of the throat. I eventually had to tell him to stop thinking about it, after all he had never choked before and his brain just seemed to know which hole it was suppose to go down. .....more cogs turning....."How does my brain know which hole to send the drink down".
sob....sob....sob (help!). Ok lets do neurology another day....PLEASE! No? Oh great.
So I opted for a long, complicated (probably very misguided) explanation. I got the effect I wanted, you know, eyes glazed over, that faraway look, then.... "I'm going to watch shows now".
Thank God for that.

Top of the morning to you


A friend recently wrote about how she had been having a hard time of it just lately - I think we all know that overwhelming feeling, when life gets a bit much; when the stresses of the days and months prior, settle on the deepest parts of our soul, like sediment at the bottom of the water tank, and we just can not see our way clear. I know I have. But she offhandedly said something that resonated in me as a truism. She said that "each day provides an opportunity to be reborn and to start anew". I have been thinking about that over the past couple of days, since she said it. Each day is indeed a gift, true, "the alarm clock is not the only thing that wakes us up to a new day", for eventually, our final day will come.
Ashley has been having a stressful time of it just lately; he works in a very busy and complicated workplace. There have been big and major changes throughout his entire organisation, and it seems that everyone is struggling to keep their head above water.
Ashley came home early yesterday, but stomped and grumbled around like he was Thor - the Norse God of Thunder - not a happy camper! We talked about it, though it helped his frustration little; the issues at work remain, after all. But this morning, he said he felt more positive, a little more upbeat - refreshed even. He even went outside this morning to tend to the lawn, and perhaps, take in the unfolding miracle that is the morning light.
I love the way we can go to bed with the world on our shoulders and awaken the next morning with renewed perspective, fresh energy and a little more peace to arm ourselves with; certainly that has to be a gift in itself. I think I will try doing something a little different today.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Taking my own advice

Yeah, sometimes you have to take your own advice, and since the emphasis is on more FUN...why not?
I love introducing the kids to classic sounds and they seem to appreciate music, especially Alex. We always made sure we were armed with our secret stash of "sleepy CD's" whenever we went for drives while Alex was a baby - they never seemed to fail. To this day Alex seems to chill out to music.
Ray Charles, God love him, is one of the best, though not part of the sleepy CD ensemble. I am surprised I hadn't dragged that old CD out before now. It is magic. We were on our way into Richmond to do something really boring - visiting a government agency and filling in forms (boo hiss...yawn). These places never seem to have ANYTHING for kids to do, even though the line up is out the door almost, and they seem to only ever have about 2 staff on at any one time.
In situations like these, I find it essential to get the sillies out before the torturous act of waiting forever in such lifeless environments, so on the way there we cranked up my old mate Ray and let loose.
The kids LOVED Hit the Road Jack, I had them laughing and kicking their legs whenever Ray screamed "whatchoo say?" It was great fun, and the sillies...well, they NEARLY stayed away the entire visit to the Government agency.

The mish-mash of blah

Alex and Olivia enjoy getting the paints and pencils out, and it is almost that time of year when I should be defaulting to them on a very regular basis.
We have a craft cupboard that holds all the kid's art supplies, which is accessible to them. Unfortunately I had to put the pencils away for a while, because Alex, and then Olivia, seemed to prefer tipping them out onto the kitchen floor, more than they enjoyed drawing with them.
I am not really sure what the fascination is all about, but Alex would tip them out from a great height then roll on the ground scattering them everywhere. I think Olivia just enjoyed the plinking sound they made as they hit the ground. She would casually drop one, then another and then she would up end the whole container. Needless to say, most of the pencils have broken leads inside - Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Thankfully not my good set.
I think that phase has passed now... well, they haven't dropped the bundle all week, so I am happy to encourage drawing again.
They always want me to draw with them and I don't really mind. This is a little something I produced yesterday. It is not very colour co-ordinated, but I like it all the same. All I did was thoughtlessly scribble some black lines and curves here and there, then fill in the gaps - it is like structure out of choas or something. Anyway it is colourful, even if parts of it look like a smashed rotten egg drying in the sun. Try it, it is FUN! Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 02, 2006

the unfamiliar concept of fun

I was recently reminded of "fun": Fun...fun...fun...FUN. To me, it is a puzzling word, whichever way I say it. In conversation, I generally don't use it, especially when describing something I was involved in.

Years ago, I was alerted to this word "fun". I don't know why, but the word stuck out whenever I remembered a particular convervation I had with a friend. My friend was describing having pizza and soft drinks with friends after uni. She concluded her story with the casual, fading remark "it was so much fun...". Strange that this, often throw away word, should resonate within the echoey halls of my mind. I have despised that word ever since, mainly because it bamboozled me. It was simply too ambiguous. I abandoned it for being empty, and gritted my teeth whenever someone used it. One of my Mum's favourite departing phrases is to say: "have fun...", to which I quip sarcastically "yeah, bound to!" I know, I should lighten up occassionally... well, I think I could just be an old grump really.

Anyway, not happy being an old grump, I decided to revisit this concept of FUN, as it had once again began to run around inside my head like a mouse on one of those wheels. I realised that I don't get what fun is, because I don't allow myself to play very often. In fact, I wasn't even sure I could remembered how to play anymore. I am lousy at playing with the kids. These days everything is work or done in an effort to remain productive, efficient.... useful - WHOAH!

I decided I needed to redefine what FUN means - to me. So I wrote a list of all the things I simply enjoy for enjoyments sake. Surprisingly, I found that most of what I enjoy, costs very little money. I thought I would share MY list of fun things, but be warned, for the most part, they are activities that calm and sooth my soul; nothing really exotic or different from what the majority of the population do, I suspect. My list appears in no particular order:

1. Walking - the "where to" is not really important. Walking gives my mind a chance to centre. It is like a meditation for me.

2. Numerology - I like to apply meaning to stuff, even if it is my own brand of "understanding".

3. Writing - Getting my thoughts out where I can see them is kind of akin to releasing the tigers.

4. Read a good book - fact or fiction doesn't matter, as long as I can "get into it" (I am fussy).

5. Good food in a place with atmosphere - the atmosphere heightens the experience significantly for me.

6. Visiting and playing in the snow - snow has the ability to recapture ones youth and draw out the inner child, even when no snow was ever present in our pasts. I find that quite an incredible phenomenon.

7. Going to the movies - there is something about the movies: the larger than life pictures on the screen, the surround sound, the enveloping darkness and illuminating light drawing us forward into the story...I don't know, but to watch a movie at home barely compares.

8. Listening to music while driving -Again, it is kind of meditative. Even with a pile of kids in the back, turn it up and sing. I am glad my kids are into it too. They love to bop along with the tunes, and don't seem to mind my singing. Ha!

9. Travelling - near or far. It is about seeing something different... some thing or some place new.

10. Chatting with friends - I love going to a coffee shop with a friend and just sitting down for a chat. I also love it when people come to visit for the same. I haven't had the pleasure ONCE since coming to Canada, although I have tried. The closest I have gotten is scrap booking, which was just as good really. I dearly miss my friends in Australia.

If I had the money these are some fun things I would like to do or experience:

1. Take my kids to the circus (when one is in town I will look into it - there are none at present - we just missed Cirque du Solei)

2. Snow shoing (hopefully this winter)

3. Attend the ballet, theatre and symphony (I will probably be going alone if at all)

4. Go canoeing on the Fraser River. (I am looking at doing this in May next year.)

5. Cruise through Alaska's Inside Passage

6. Take my kids to Disneyland (next year, fingers crossed)

7. Visit Venice

8. Tour France

9. Own a laptop (perhaps when the kids are in school. I want to write EVERYWHERE!)

10. Check out New England

Thanks for reading!