The hard stuff

You know that saying "do not put off until tomorrow what you could do today?" Well for me that saying is like a thorn in my side.
Take parenting for instance: for me parenting is having to confront every single one of my weaknesses, failings in life, and fears. Wanting your child to succeed in this world, means having to push ones vulnerable self out there and ride the surf with them as they flounder and flap about in an effort to get their sea legs, because that is what life is really like, the every changing, rolling, lulling, turbulent, threatening, unpredictable tranquil sea.
Alex has two little friends who come over to play, but recently one of these boys has been increasingly aggressive toward Alex and neither he nor I are equipped to know how to handle the situation.
This kid has been wrestling Alex to the ground, which Alex hates. I have asked this kid not to do that, as has Alex. I have explained to the boys dad that he doesn't like the wrestling to much and I have heard that parent talk to the boy in question about it - but the wrestling continues.
Now Alex has revealed that this boy is pulling his hair in class - hard. I mentioned it to the teacher, mainly because I wanted to know if Alex was provoking this kid and I wanted to know how he plays with the others in his class - they were mystified and hadn't seen any such behaviour or arguing between the pair to warrant closer monitoring while they played, but they told me they would keep an eye out.
Today however, Alex comes to me in the playground after pre-school saying that the said kid won't let him join in the game with the other boys. I suggested that he find someone else to play with, but Alex was adamant that he wanted to play with this particular boy - his friend.
Even after the other boys went home Alex once again attempted to play with the same boy, but this time I was watching. Alex started climbing up a play structure to where this boy was standing only to have the boy's foot pushed into his chest preventing Alex from reaching him and then knocking him backward to the ground - my aching heart.
Alex then wandered back dejected and looking sadly to the ground. I went straight to him.
"Is he being mean to you?"
"Yes" .... Alex starts to sob.
"Don't play with him if he is treating you like that"
"But I want to play with him".
"But he is being nasty to you".
"But I want to play with him".

I feel that enough is enough and we begin the walk home.
"I know but he is not being very nice and we don't treat our friends like that. Find someone else to play with in future".
"No, I just want to play with him"
"Why Alex? He is not being very nice to you. Perhaps you should ask him what his problem is".
"No. Next time he comes over you tell him I don't like that".
"I don't think we will be asking him over again if he continues to treat you that way".
Crying, then sits on the ground.
I get down to his level and ask "Did he hurt your feelings when he pushed you away."
(nods)
"Well, I don't know why he is acting like that. I don't mind you playing with him if he treats you properly, he seems to have a nice family, but he can't come to play if he is going to be like that. It is my job to look after you, that is what Mummy's do and his behaviour is not ok. Do you understand?"
Clearly I have missed the point, because he doesn't understand. He just keeps crying. I know he is lonely here. He know so few people. I recognise his desperation to fit in, to feel accepted and to have friends, but I am unwilling for him to be pushed around like that. I know they are just little kids, but learned patterns of behaviour have lasting effects, and I don't want Alex learning that you make and keep friends by putting up with crap and disrespect, or by submitting to bullies - no way!
"Why don't we ask another boy to come over and play?"
"No I want [him] to come over. I don't want anyone else."
"Are you scared to have someone new over?"
silence....."I only want [him] or no one."
"Fine, no one is coming over then, because he is not coming over while he continues to behave that way toward you".
We walk the rest of the way in silence. As we near the door Alex pipes up "Yes. I would like some one else to come over to play". He mentions a few people then settles on one. He is a boy I have seen Alex playing with in the park. I have even spoken to his Mum a little.
Alex suddenly seems happy and excited about the prospect of someone else coming to play. Of course I haven't asked his child's parent yet, so I hope she is agreeable.
But I also need to say something to the other boy's parent. It is our turn to have him over to play....What do I say? How do I say it? I am a bumbling idiot at the best of times....but I have never done this before, and no one ever did that for me....How will that parent feel with what I have to say? I need some help here.
I was thinking that I should speak to the parent in private and mention my concerns. Ask the parent if his son has voiced any concerns about Alex and then suggest that we take a break from the play dates between them for a while (sigh).
Of course this is harder for me to say than it sounds. I have wanted to say something for a week now, but have managed to avoid the parent, thanks to the terrible weather that sent everyone scrambling for their cars after school.... but after today's display, I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to allow this behaviour to continue any further. Any thoughts would be most welcome.