Time

"In life when one door closes, another door always opens...but the hallways are a bitch." - Ronnie Kaye, author of Spinning Straw into Gold.
Man, can I relate to that!
I am reading a FABULOUS book at the moment called "Life Lessons", by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. EKR is a psychatrist and well-known authority on matters concerning death and dying. I have read her stuff before, particularly her autobiography "Wheel of Life" (which I found fascinating, but it may not be a book for everyone). Well, I guess I like her take on life.
Believe it or not this book is about life lessons; lessons learnt from the perspectives of the dying and bereft, when we are divested of our layers and left raw to contemplate and reflect.
So far, it has been an incredible book, which discusses fourteen considered "life lessons".
I'm presently reading the chapter concerning the lesson of time, from which the opening quote was taken (pg. 119). Time is something I had never really considered myself as having an issue with; impatience yes, time... no.
But for the last few years I have felt that I have been wandering aimlessly through the hallways and corridors of God only knows where. I have watched all that was familiar slip away from me as if I were an astronaut, blasting through the atmosphere while watching the familiar landscape below me transform, and become a glowing distant blue orb - beautiful, but no longer reachable. I sat in awe of what had been - my life - and confused at how I lost it. But with great anticipation, excitement and in stunned paralytic fashion, I salivated at the thought of what was next for me..... nothing came, well nothing I had hoped for. So I was left, only to mourn all I had lost.
At one stage, I felt cold and lonely while standing in the hallway and I have certainly wished that the future would just bloody well hurry up. It has been a test of faith really.
I have mourned my losses. I have stopped staring at that door that was merclessly slammed shut without notice nor explanation. Today I wander, still in the void, but no longer grieving for the past nor panicked about the future. A period of my life, with all of its promises and ideas, has passed. The course and the game plan have changed. I have considered and am thankful for my gains and gifts, I guess I have the tools I need for the next phase, in which I am the new apprentice- though for what, I am unsure. But when it is my turn to lead, to emerge from the furrow, it will be made known to me, and I will accept the challenge with grace; in a way, perhaps I already am. The hallways may be a bitch, but our time spent in them is only temporary - their purpose is to leads us somewhere else.
Yes, I definately have issues with time.