A break from the ordinary

We went to Ashley's work Christmas party Friday night - the mother of all Christmas parties. Get this; 700 people were in attendance- that's a lot of people!

I was very excited to go. I was talking with a friend earlier in that day; a person who also happens to be a full time carer of the kids. He was saying he was feeling a bit lost; a bit like he had no time to himself, and completely out of depth and practice when it came to conversing with adults, since all his time was spent with the kids, in one form or another - well I hear ya...completely.

I could relate to each and every thing he had to say on this matter and also the things he didn't say.... the self conscious stance, the looking down at the ground as he spoke, the hesitation to admit, in his voice. He was saying the often unsaid..."I love my kids, but...." .

Someone once told me, when you include "but" in the middle of a sentence, it cancels out the good things you have said before the "but". I often think of that claim when I use the word "but" in a sentence, and while it does seem to be a truism in some cases, i.e. "I am not a racist, but...", I don't really think it can be said for all uses, and I don't believe this word "but", in the present context, is really so powerful... so brutal that it can transform many a fragile thought, tentatively nestled in the arms of the self-conscious, into offensive weapons - I love my kids, but...." hmmmm...... I guess both statements, the racist's and the parent's, are using the word "but" with similar caution; perhaps feeling, deep down, that they really shouldn't be saying that which follows the word "but", regardless of the statement's legitimacy or illegitimacy.

"I love my kids, but I am damn tired". That is legitimate enough. So is; "I love my kids, but I do need some time to devote to my own requirements". Perhaps my friend was suggesting that one shouldn't need to justify their feelings, thoughts or wants with the prelude of "but". "I NEED A BREAK!" If we do our best, day in, day out, when we know that we have given our all, time and time again, when we know that others CAN help us take the necessary break so we can carry on, we don't need to justify our needs with a "but"....we DO love our kids, we DO appreciate our jobs, we ARE grateful for what we have in life...sometimes, we just need some moments of refreshment - whatever that might entail.

I offered to look after the kids of that friend, while he attends a conference out of town. He needs it- I recognise that in him. I, on the other hand, had a refreshing night out at Ashley's Christmas party. I yakked my head off all night...I think the bumbling idiot might have finally left home. I wasn't even nervous, there was no tightness in my stomach about attending a function with "people" (god forbid). I was calm throughout (how unusual), perhaps toastmasters has paid off after all - fancy that!!!!

I hardly knew anyone at the dinner, and frankly I couldn't have cared less. I was just craving adult communication. For me, that was my break, to take a step back into the adult world, to glimpse a few of the vast examples of life and experience that wind and twist around and beyond the realms of my four safe walls, like English Ivy.

I got to speaking with a variety of interesting people. I was seated next to our friend Bruce - which was lovely to start off with....he is, proudly, a very odd person, which is what everyone loves about this sweet man. I also spoke to an Aussie guy - who told me he was "rooted" - which, for the untrained ear, is crass Australian for being rather intoxicated...I won't go into the layer and blue specifics concerning the terminology, and believe me, you'll be glad I didn't! Nevertheless, I laughed at the shared understanding we had, which had been got solely from the fortune of cultural experience. I told him to "try that phrase with the Canadians"....I imagine blank stares would have only greeted him.

Not so long ago, the founder of the company Ashley works for, died....

There was a tribute video made about Mr Craig Dobbin's life, which was shown at the party, Friday night. It was both inspirational and moving. I had never met the man, but the video demonstrated a life fully lived; with passion, dynamism, a loving family buoying him through both tranquil and turbulent times...he appeared also to have lived with few regrets. The sound track to the tribute was "My Way" by Frank Sinatra, and certainly, it was very fitting.

The thing that grabbed me most, as I marvelled at what this man had achieved, was how he had touched peoples lives; inspired their love, admiration and loyalty; and how he had excited so many people to get involved in his projects and visions.

A quote appeared on the screen at the end of the tribute - I am uncertain of its source; whether adopted for the moment or whether it were something Mr Dobbin had uttered in his life time - it went something like this:

"When I come to the end of my life, I should hope I have nothing left to give ... for I hope I had used all that God gave me".

This quote has resonated in me, and right now I am feeling a little confused. I hope I am being all I can be at this point in time, but when I consider the achievements of people, both the greats and the seemingly ordinary, I have to wonder....is this really ALL I can be?