A light bulb moment

Today I had an epiphany... of sorts.

I am still struggling with the whole Toastmasters thing. I have committed myself to presenting my fourth speech (boo hiss).

I have a really bad attitude about it.

I have decided to steal a commenter's advice and deliver one of my blog posts. I thought this would take the pressure off the whole preparation stress that surrounds speech giving, for me. Well it kind of did, but my bad attitude remained.

I resent having to practice my speech, the speech bores me, like all my speech making attempts...I am bored by the experience.

Last time I wrote about my like/hate relationship with Toastmasters (I wouldn't happen to go so far as to say "love"), the lovely Kathleen, from Soul Food, suggested perhaps speech making just wasn't my thing. To which I thought, "yeah, but I still want to get over my fear...even if I DO suck at it".

But today, I had an epiphany...of sorts, as I have already mentioned.

I love writing. I tend to write off the cuff. I write what is in my head at that particular moment, and if you will allow me to become all diva-ish for a moment - I need to be inspired. I don't necessarily plan what I am going to say on these posts, but basically just blurt out a bunch of something, pray for teh best and hit publish ....which is why I have so many editing faux par's blaring out in plain, unabashed sight.

The thing for me, about speech making is, well, you have to prepare a good speech, and practice it, and so, by the time it reaches the ears of a glazed-eyed audience, it is old. It is tired and it lacks energy. I am bored by it, it is bored by me, and then I am in a panic that I will bore everyone else. Sure it is fresh to the audience, but I am just not that into it anymore - the passion has died.

So Kathleen, you are right; speech making is definitely not for me. And you know what? I actually feel relieved by that newly gained understanding. I feel relieved and my load feels lighter.

I quite enjoy evaluating other speech makers, when I am at Toastmasters; I am doing it off the cuff - but I think I will allow the speeches to be delivered by someone else from now on.